Meditation & Survival: A Dad’s Tale
My 13-year old twins Ava and Grace are my greatest motivation to better myself. They’re home all the time now running a masterclass on resilience. Sweet as wolverines, these teach me the art of survival as they are trying to kill me.
And like wolverines they smell the caracas of my beaten up and bloodied ego and gang up on Dad. This is because when I’m worn down to the point of upset, I’m more easily manipulated.
All my coaching books tell me that we need more space. Space is needed to respond appropriately to their ridiculousness (i.e. fighting, complaining, using all the TP to wipe up kitchen messes, using all the hand soup to wash the dogs) rather than get all blustery and stupefied from a obscene amount of adrenaline being boiled into my blood.
We’ve all felt aging as parents haven’t we? I’m “graying” to a gargantuan degree. As I write this, I hear an argument upstairs that’s ruthlessly fraying the ends of my telomeres — that’s nerd speak referring to DNA; you know, the stuff in the spit we send to 23 and Me to find out whether or not our relatives have any skeletons hiding in the closet?
So, I’m meditating. Heck, I went to India to learn about it first hand so I might as well try it on again for at least 10 minutes a day at home… otherwise, I might go back to India to practice my social distancing in a cave.
The problem I have is that I’m busy. I’m currently coaching 259 people, refereeing two daughters and two dogs, cleaning messes, making food, and washing my hands all day for at least 20 seconds at a time. It all adds up.
A colleague recommended that I read Atomic Habits by James Clear. Ironically, the author’s last name proves to be the “secret sauce” behind successful habit formation, and that we can successfully add new habits into our routine simply by stacking the new habit atop established ones to drastically increase our odds for success.
As my motivation to try this built, the author then shared a simple sentence that effectively transmits intention into action.
“I will do (new habit) at (time) in (location).”
In the book, Clear speaks on the over-emphasis of motivation when it comes to forming habits and that the deciding factor is the clarity of your plan to provide direction. The new habit is meditation, but I’m not clear on time and location. I couldn’t decide on a time, so I decided to try and “stack” it on top of an everyday habit for survival: morning coffee.
Check out my fancy French press. I’m serious about a rich, dark, and piping hot cup of daily acceptance. After I grind the beans and add the boiling water to the pot, I’m reminded of how much I hate waiting to indulge. The process of brewing needs at least 10 minutes, so I’ll meditate in that space!
I designated our spare bedroom to be my location for relaxation HQ. A nice fat pillow on the floor for me to sit upon, some incense to scent the air of patchouli rather than panic, and then I sit and breathe for a timed 10 minutes.
It has become a ritual that invites creativity and a repeated kindness for myself as I try my best new navigate this new world with my family, friends, and colleagues.
So my plan now is clear: “ I will meditate for 10 minutes, while my coffee brews, in the spare bedroom.”
My current record is 49 days and now I feel that I can deal, though I’m still nowhere close to being a Buddha.
But, I’m practicing everyday to be a better Dad.
